Leave Fear Behind
by Yuugenn
Summary: An insane Earl, an obsessed Apocryphos, and a sleeping Noah awakened. The forest is the only place Kanda and Johnny can flee to with Allen, and threats are closing in. But Allen's wound has left him weak and Kanda becomes overcome with guilt- how long can the group really survive? (An alternate continuation of chap. 218) [T for a little mild language]
1. An Agreement

_**-Spoiler warning!-**_

 ** _Mentions a huge spoiler from chapter 216_**

* * *

 _Recap: This starts after chapter 218, once Johnny and Kanda have finally found Allen. Allen's wound from Kanda's sword back from the fight with Alma Karma is starting to cause a lot of problems. The Earl shows up and we meet Apocryphos, etc. Around the time Hoshino went on that never ending hiatus..._

 _I found this rotting away on my hard drive after two years- I wrote this back when the manga was on hiatus and I was dying for a new chapter haha But I've started working on more chapters, so hopefully it can still be finished; I really enjoy writing on this._

 _Anyway, hope it's okay!_

* * *

Johnny and Kanda held their breaths as the Millennium Earl's footsteps rumbled outside the small house. Johnny gripped Allen's arm tightly with trembling hands as he lay unconscious on the white sheets of a twin size bed. Kanda stood with his back to the door, holding onto the hilt of his sword with white knuckles and listening intently to the noise outside. Kanda was sure that the Millennium Earl had gone insane. He was ripping the town apart, searching for Allen with the intent of killing him. This much wasn't unusual, but the part where he kept calling Allen "Nea" was. And although a part of Allen was the Fourteenth, it seemed strange that the Millennium Earl would be trying to kill him when the Beansprout had mentioned that he was planning to use him as bait for Apocryphos. And besides all that, the Millennium Earl was just _acting_ insane in general. He hated to admit it, but it terrified him.

When the pounding footsteps passed their street, Kanda glanced back at the back of the room where Johnny and Allen were. It crushed Kanda's heart to see the bean sprout like this, beaten to a pulp. Allen was the most kind hearted and loving person Kanda had ever met and he was _always_ being positive and full of hope in the most dire of situations. He was also one of the strongest people he'd ever met and he'd always been willing to give up his own life for those of his friends. Allen, of all people, deserved so much better than what he'd been given. Kanda knew that he should be the one to suffer what Allen had, or really anyone else. Just not Allen. Kanda couldn't stand to see Allen in pain any longer.

Johnny placed his hand on Allen's cheek in a loving way and a concerned expression wrote itself across his face. "Kanda... how much more of this do you think Allen can take? Besides getting beat up like this, I mean. He must be in so much anguish right now, trying to fight to keep ownership of his own body day after day…."

Kanda stared at the ground. "That Bean Sprout can handle anything. I just hate to see him have to go through all of this."

"Yeah…." There was a long pause as they both pondered until Johnny spoke up again. "I remember when he first came to the Black Order."

Kanda chuckled. "Me too. He scared everyone half to death when we heard that he was cursed, including me. I nearly lopped his head off.

Johnny laughed as well. "Yeah, I remember that. I couldn't believe we finally found General Cross's letter on Komui's desk. I never would have imagined that

someone could recover something from that thing…."

He lifted the corner of his mouth in a smile. "I'd give anything to have a cursed fifteen year old as our biggest problem right now."

Johnny shrugged. "I can agree with you there. But, in a way, I guess it kind of is. Not _him_ , of course, but the Fourteenth inside of him. Who would've guessed that there was another life waiting inside of Allen…. To think that Allen went through his entire life without knowing a thing about Nea. This whole thing is just terrible isn't it? I just hope that someday we'll be able to live in peace, even if only for a little while."

"The dream of every Exorcist," Kanda said.

After another few moments of silence, Johnny said, "Kanda? Why do you think Allen's wound is acting like that? And I remember his Innocence was having a similar reaction as well."

Kanda folded his arms. "I'm not sure. We'll have to ask him when he wakes up. But I know that it's causing him a great deal of pain. We'll have to do something about it to help the twerp keep his guard up against the Fourteenth."

"Yeah. I just hope that when he does wake up, it's Allen and not Nea."

Kanda nodded. He hated being so forceful with Allen when he would wake up, but none of them could know for certain whether it was Allen or Nea. It was an awkward position to be in, having to trust your friend but treat them like the enemy at the same time. "Well, in any case, we'd better move. I'm not usually one to run away from a fight, but we don't exactly have a choice; the Earl's lost it."

"I agree. And, no offense, but I don't think you'd be able to take on the Earl on your own."

Stepping away from the door, Kanda walked towards Allen and Johnny. "That's why we're leaving," he said in his usual monotone voice. He slid his arms beneath Allen's limp body and lifted him off the bed.

"Kanda, are you sure you don't need any help carrying him?" Johnny asked.

He made his way to the back of the room towards a back door with ease. "Anyone could carry this twig easily."

Johnny followed Kanda and Allen out the door as Kanda looked around nervously, keeping close to the wall of the alleyway. He held a finger to his lips, signaling Johnny to be quiet, then silently went the opposite direction that the Earl had gone. Kanda was incredibly quiet, his footsteps making absolutely no noise against the pavement. Johnny was having a hard time following Kanda's example and he'd cringe every time he made the slightest noise. He hoped that the Millennium Earl didn't have any super hearing they weren't aware of.

After a few minutes of tiptoeing through the winding pathways behind buildings, Kanda made a sound expressing his sudden irritation. Johnny nearly ran into him when Kanda stopped abruptly and set Allen down on the ground. He backed away, pushing Johnny back with his arm.

"He's waking up," he grumbled as he grasped the hilt of Mugen. "Don't get too close."

Johnny held his breath as he trained his eyes on Allen's peaceful face. After a few seconds, his face slightly contorted, surely from the wound in his stomach. His eyes slowly fluttered open and Kanda immediately unsheathed Mugen and pointed it straight at Allen's face.

"Nice to see you too, Ponytail," he said in a hoarse voice as the corners of his mouth lifted into a weak smile.

Relief washed over Johnny and he let out a deep sigh. "Phew, that's Allen for sure." He took a step towards Allen but was instantly held back by Kanda's arm.

"Don't be too sure, Johnny. As far as we know, the Fourteenth could have access to Allen's memories. There's no telling if that's the Bean Sprout or the Fourteenth."

Johnny's heart dropped as his excitement faded. "Oh," he breathed with disappointment. Allen's smile relaxed and his eyes wandered away from them, looking distraught. For a second, a part of Johnny hoped that it wasn't Allen. Allen didn't deserve to feel more pain, especially emotional pain. His own friends were treating him like the enemy; he didn't even want to imagine how awful that would feel.

"If you're the Fourteenth," Kanda said firmly to the boy lying on the ground, "listen to me. The moment you gain complete control over Allen, if you ever do, I'll slaughter you right then and there," he said in a deathly tone. "If I'm talking to Allen, then… just… hang in there. We'll find a way to give you control over your body again."

The boy stared up at him with empty eyes and despair coating his face. When Kanda finished speaking, he simply said, "I understand."

"Good." He hesitated as he kept his gaze on the boy and the expression on his face told Johnny that he was contemplating something. Finally, he said it. "I hate to do this, but it seems that our only option now is to take you back to the Order."

Johnny's eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open. "What?! Weren't we trying to _avoid_ the Order?!"

Kanda folded his arms and closed his eyes. "We've been driven into a corner and we're stuck. The Millennium Earl is out to kill Nea and Allen, Apochryphos is on our tail as well, and Allen's on the verge of turning into a Noah. Right now, the Order is our best bet. It's a lot safer there."

"But Allen ran away from the Order to protect everyone! I don't think it's safe to go back there at all!"

Kanda shot him a sharp look and Johnny fell silent. What was Kanda thinking?! There was a chance that going back to the Black Order would keep the Earl and Apocryphos at bay, but it was highly unlikely. They would put everyone at the Order in danger if they went back! But Johnny knew that he couldn't argue with an Exorcist; Kanda looked like he was considering snapping his neck already.

Kanda turned to Allen. "What do you think?"

Allen looked taken aback. "Why are you asking me?"

"Just answer the question."

He pushed himself into a sitting position, grimacing and clutching his side. Then anger swept across Allen's face momentarily before he spoke. "I think you're insane, that's what I think. Johnny's right, I came here for a reason! I've been trying to hide and stay away from everyone, and then _you_ showed up! I don't _belong_ at the Order anymore!" His voice began to crack with emotion. "I _care_ about you and everyone at the Order. You don't understand what it's like knowing that any second you could turn and _kill_ the people you love the most. You don't know what it's like having someone's soul trying to take over your body! And I'm trying my best, I… I am! But if you take me back there… I…" Tears welled up in his eyes as his chin trembled, "I… I swear to you, I'll kill myself." He tore his gaze away from Kanda, trying unsuccessfully to hold back his tears. "If that's what I have to do protect everyone, I'll do it."

Johnny clutched the cuffs of his coat sleeves tightly as he stared at the ground, tears welling up in his own eyes. He didn't want to see anymore. He didn't want to hear anymore. He just wanted things to be normal again. He just wanted to see the cheerful Allen he used to know again. Despite knowing what Kanda might do and knowing that he could very well be the Fourteenth, Johnny walked up to Allen, fell to his knees, and wrapped his arms around his friend. He looked up at Kanda, who was only looking at him without any expression, and said, "I won't let you take him back, Kanda. I don't care if I'm not an Exorcist like you; I'm not moving from this spot."

Allen's eyes were wide with surprise, but he returned the embrace after a long moment of silence. It finally seemed that Allen could no longer suppress his festering emotions and he quietly sobbed into Johnny's shoulder, firmly clinging to the fabric of the scientist's clothing. It pained Johnny to imagine the loneliness and fear his friend must have had to have been feeling.

Staring at Allen, Kanda only stood there, watching him. After a few moments had passed, Allen settled down and he lightly placed his hand on Johnny's arm that was wrapped around Allen. "Johnny…."

"Get up, Johnny," Kanda said suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, get up. I-"

"No!" Johnny interrupted. "I told you, I won't let you take Allen to the Order!"

"John-"

"Just because you're an Exorcist, doesn't mean that you can-"

"JOHNNY!" Kanda shouted. "Stand up! I'm not taking anyone to the Order!"

He stared up at him in bewilderment. "What are you-"

"It was a test!" he admitted. "I was testing to see whether this is the real Allen or not!"

Silence fell upon the three of them. "A… test?" Allen asked?

"Yeah."

"…."

"YOU SICK BASTARD!" Allen yelled abruptly. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, MESSING WITH ME LIKE THAT?! YOU MADE ME CRY!"

"WELL MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO THIS MESS, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO TO SUCH EXTREME MEASURES!"

"GOTTEN MYSELF INTO THIS?! YOU THINK I HAD A SAY IN IT?!"

"BOTH OF YOU, QUIT IT!" Johnny shouted over them.

"But-"

"I SAID, SHUT IT!" Johnny took a deep breath. "Kanda…" Johnny was obviously trying very hard to hide his irritation and anger as he composed himself. "Continue."

Both Allen and Kanda stared at him. None of them had ever seen Johnny yell over them like that before. Embarrassed, Johnny made a motion with his hand, gesturing Kanda to continue.

"Well, uh, it seemed to me that if you," he gestured to Allen, "were the Fourteenth, he'd take the opportunity to use the Black Order and the Exorcists as added protection. I knew that if it was really you, you'd refuse to put everyone in danger."

"Oh, I see," Allen said. He scratched his head. "Uh, that was good thinking. That's a little embarrassing, though, after saying the things I did…. I, uh…."

Johnny squeezed Allen in his arms. "There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, Allen! I'm glad you feel that way about us!"

He made little effort to grin. "Yeah, I suppose…." A sudden shock of pain pulsed in his abdomen and he keeled over against Johnny, gritting his teeth. Johnny softened his hold on him and rested a hand on his back with worried eyes staring down at him through his huge glasses.

"We'd better quit lingering around here," Kanda said, trying unsuccessfully to hide his concern for Allen behind his cold demeanor. "The Earl will sniff us out before too long."

Johnny faced Kanda and said, "I agree, but… it just seems too farfetched, thinking that we can outrun him, especially with Allen in this condition. We need to come up with a plan."

Beneath his hand, Johnny could feel Allen chuckling to himself. Johnny stared at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Allen? Are you alright?" Was he losing it?

"I-I'm sorry," Allen said through a grin as he put a hand over his face, "I just think it's funny, that you two are still putting your lives on the line for me."

Anger swirled up inside of Johnny as he glared at Allen. "How is that _funny_ , Allen?!"

"I could be moments away from being the enemy who'll try to kill both of you. _I_ _am_ the Noah of Destruction; I'm hardly Allen at all anymore…. I constantly feel myself slipping and I-I know… I know that if I let go for too long, if I give in for just a moment… I'll…." Johnny watched as tears began to roll off his cheeks onto the cobblestone.

Kanda stepped closer to the two kneeling on the street and crouched down next to them. Lifting Allen's chin with his hand, he looked into Allen's pained eyes. "You want to know why, Bean Sprout? Because we care about you. I don't give a damn who's in here," he said, flicking Allen's forehead, "We're putting our lives on the line for the one in here." He moved his hand downward and rested it on Allen's chest. "And if we do end up getting killed by the Fourteenth, then so be it; we won't let you go through this alone."

Allen's chin quivered as tears kept welling up in his eyes. He relaxed and leaned his head forward on Kanda's shoulder, holding the wrist of Kanda's hand that was being held over Allen's chest, sobbing. "Stupid Kanda," he said through his tears. "You've still got people who care about you. Lavi, Krory, Miranda, and… and Lenalee…. You need to go back to them, both of you." He lifted his head up to look at Kanda. "Whether I'm alone or not doesn't matter now! This is real! All of it! If you die for something as pathetic as me, others could die…. Our _friends_! They _need_ you. So, both of you, just get out of here. I won't let you carry me any further!"

"They have each other, Allen." Johnny interrupted. "They can handle themselves! We're needed most right here, with you, and there's nothing you can do to make us leave!"

It went silent until the quiet pattering of rain against stone surrounded the three. "Alright. Do what you want," Allen whispered, looking away from the two to conceal his tears. "Something tells me that I would probably do the same if I were in your position." Turning his gaze back to Kanda, a deathly seriousness found its way into his voice. "But the moment Nea takes over, the moment you see the slightest hint that he has complete and permanent control over me, run. Don't try to fight me, just _run_. _Please_ …."

Kanda nodded. "Deal."


	2. The Forest

_Okay,_ this _is the chapter with the spoiler._

 _I wonder if anyone else has noticed how out of character Kanda seems sometimes..._

 _It'll lead to something in a later chapter, huehuehue..._

* * *

"How are you feeling, Allen?" Johnny asked.

Kanda was carrying him through the forest with Johnny walking beside them. "Don't worry about me, Johnny, I'm fine," Allen said weakly, forcing a smile.

"Well, if you ever need to stop and rest, just say so, okay?" he said.

"Okay. Thank you…."

Johnny looked over his shoulder down the way they came, past incredibly tall and thin trees. The rain had calmed down and the sunset's light began to shine through the trees. "I can't believe we've gotten this far without an appearance of the Millennium Earl."

"Perhaps he was too senseless in his lunacy to think straight enough to track us down. I can't think of any other possible reason," Kanda said.

"That's exactly what I was thinking. He was definitely losing his sanity back there..." He paused, thinking. "Hey, Allen, do you remember anything from earlier today?" He looked over at Allen to see him drooling on Kanda's shoulder with his eyes closed.

"He's probably fallen asleep," Kanda said.

Johnny chuckled. "Yeah, he's definitely sleeping." He turned his gaze back toward the ground below him. "Hey, uh, Kanda?"

"What is it?"

"Where's Timcanpy?"

Kanda's heart dropped as the last image he'd seen of the golem flashed through his mind. "I couldn't save him. Apocryphos…."

Johnny nodded. "Oh."

They walked in silence for hours until there was hardly any light left to light their path. The temperature dropped and Johnny draped his coat over Allen's heaving chest. Sweat covered his skin and he'd begun breathing rapidly; he was getting worse.

Once they'd come into a clearing lit fairly well by moonlight, Kanda stopped in his tracks and looked in all directions. "Let's rest here for the night. We'll leave at first light and make for the nearest town." He eased Allen onto the forest floor and lifted Johnny's coat and Allen's shirt to check his wound.

"Tch." He paused and looked up into the woods, cautiously scanning the area.

"Whatever you do, don't wander off," he said, addressing Johnny while staring intently into the darkness. "Always stay within sight and keep quiet. If the Earl or Apocryphos manage to come this way and if we do just that, they might walk right past us."

Johnny followed Kanda's gaze towards the trees, imagining what could be hiding in their shadows. The way Kanda was acting scared him. It was as though he knew something was close.

"Uh, y-yeah, okay."

After a few more moments of glaring at a single section of trees, Kanda slowly rose to his feet. "First things first. We need to eat, especially Allen. I'll go find us something to eat and get some firewood, while you watch him. If he wakes up while I'm gone, you'll need to figure out which one of them it is. You won't like it, but you'll have to test him the way we did earlier." He looked at Allen's sleeping form. "I really dislike leaving you two here alone, but it's our only option." He unsheathed Mugen and tossed into onto the ground before Johnny. "You'll need this more than I will if one of us is confronted by something.

He stared at the sword for a few seconds before cautiously picking it up. "O-okay." Squeezing the hilt with firm resolve, he continued, "I can handle it. You be careful too, alright?"

Kanda smirked. "You don't need to worry about me. Just take care of that Bean Sprout." He turned around towards the trees and walked until his silhouette blended into the darkness.

Johnny stared into the forest where Kanda had disappeared and everything became completely still. Growing more and more unsettled the longer Kanda was gone, he walked over to Allen and adjusted the coat draped over Allen. Then he moved several feet away and sat down, remembering his last fearful encounter with the Fourteenth. Staring at Allen intently, he strained his eyes to watch for any kind of movement besides the steady rise and fall of his chest. He gripped the sword like his life depended on it.

It made him furious, knowing that there was someone so awful inside of Allen. Allen was always such a kind and humble person, and now there was a Noah inside of him, trying to steal his body away from him. He wished he could just kick the jerk out of him and let Allen live with at least an ounce of peace. He couldn't imagine what it must feel like, to constantly have someone who means to destroy your friends trying to take over your mind to do just that. He was sure Allen must have been going through hell, even in his sleep. And that rotten wound that Kanda had given him couldn't be making it any better.

He sat and listened to the crickets chirp as insects buzzed around in the air. The moon was high in the sky now and Kanda still wasn't back. It must've been at least two hours since he'd left. Kanda had told him not to worry about him, but now he couldn't help it. He couldn't imagine Kanda getting lost and the alternative was even worse. If Apocryphos had found him, he didn't know what they'd do.

Despite his nagging fears, he knew that there was nothing he could do but sit and wait. He'd already decided what he'd say to Allen if he woke up, so he tried thinking of his friends back at the Order to keep his mind off the dim situation. He wondered if everyone was asleep, or if they were in a panic to find Allen. He had no doubt that Komui was asleep, though.

Getting lost in his thoughts, he slowly closed his eyes without realizing his actions as fatigue took over. The chirping of the crickets replaced his thoughts and before long, the white-haired boy was the only one awake.


	3. A Visitor

_[Whoa, I actually updated something?! Lol kill me_

 _I don't really know how I feel about this story so far- If I had started it recently rather than a few years ago, I would've written it_ much _differently..._

 _I really hope I can keep updating, though~ Also, if you enjoy it or have any recommendations, please feel free to leave a review! Reviews are honestly always the biggest motivator for me to keep writing._

 _(By the way, I might take a short break from this story and write another chapter for "Unfinished Business," for anyone who was interested in that DGM fanfic.)_

 _Thank you for reading and for your patience!]_

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The first sound Allen heard was the crickets. Everything else was silent and peace washed over him. He could finally relax, even if for a moment. He kept still, knowing that if he moved, the pain might return. Instead, he relished the moment, feeling the most calm he'd been in weeks. But instantly, the moment ended as Nea resurfaced in his mind and began to fight once again for control. He rolled over, furrowing his eyebrows with concentration and frustration. He was getting sick of Nea's persistence. Just then, Nea began pressing harder and harder and Allen buried his head in his arms tightly, despite the sudden flaring in his stomach from the movement. He knew he'd go insane if this went on any longer, especially with it getting harder to block out Nea as time passed. He tried to stay silent, but pained sounds escaped his throat as he writhed on the dirt.

"A-Allen?"

The sudden voice penetrated through Nea's whispering and he snapped his eyes open. Quickly sitting up in a panic as some kind of thick sheet of fabric fell from his shoulders, he searched for the source of the voice. It was horribly dark, but he could barely make out the outline of a person sitting across from him with big round glasses reflecting the moonlight. His heart skipped a beat when Apocryphos crossed his mind. "Y-you!"

"No, Allen, it's alright! It's just me, Johnny!" he whispered.

He let out a shaky breath as he tried calming his heart. "Oh, thank goodness…. I-I'm sorry, Johnny."

"Are you okay, Allen?" Johnny asked through the darkness.

"Yeah," he said as he rested his face on his hand as he tried to carry on a conversation through Nea's blaring voice in his head, "it's just…. It's nothing."

"It's the Fourteenth, isn't it?" Johnny suggested. "He must be getting stronger."

"Y-yeah… it's getting harder to, uh, t-to block him out…," Allen said, stumbling over his words. He looked up at Johnny.

"Johnny, I know we made an agreement earlier, but I really… I-I seriously think that you and Kanda should get away from here now." He squeezed his eyes shut as he cupped his face in his palm again. A shade of gray started spreading across his skin.

"I-I'm slipping, Johnny, for real this time. This… this is it…."

Johnny decided that there was no need to test him right now and quickly got to his feet and ran to Allen's side, wrapping Allen in his arms. "Come on, Allen, you can hold him back, I know you can. I won't leave you, not yet. Besides, Kanda is still out looking for food and firewood; I wouldn't even be able to leave if I wanted to." He reached for his coat and pulled it over Allen.

"J-Johnny..," he mumbled, "you don't understand. I _can't_ hold him back anymore. You only… have a few seconds… to… to…." Johnny's eyes grew wide once Allen stopped speaking. He held his breath for a moment before he loosened his grasp on Allen.

Slowly pulling away from him, he said, "Allen? A-are you still there?" _No_ , he thought, _not yet. Not yet!_ He stood up and watched him attentively while he slowly backed away. Allen sat there, slouched over with his head hanging over as if he were dead. That was a bad sign.

With his gaze still fixated on Allen's limp form, he crouched down and fumbled around for Kanda's sword. His heart thumped in his chest as his shaking fingers searched frantically across the leaf-covered ground. Once he'd finally found its hilt, he grabbed it and held it tightly in front of him.

But just then, he realized he couldn't use it. There was no way he could attack his friend, regardless of who was in control of Allen's body. No amount of fear could drive him to do it. The sword was useless.

Fear gradually took over his senses and his limbs felt as though they had liquefied. He was vulnerable and utterly defenseless. His fingers could no longer hold onto the sword and it fell to the ground. He didn't even care about Apocryphos or the Earl anymore. He was here alone with the Noah of Destruction and his heart pounded wildly in his chest.

"KANDA!" He shouted as loud as he possibly could, praying that Kanda could hear his desperate cries. "KANDA!" he yelled again as he turned and ran into the trees behind him. Before he'd gotten very far, he heard a faint sound of laughter coming from the clearing he had just left. "No no no no no!" he breathed rapidly to himself as he ran. He shouted out for Kanda one last time as he kicked his legs as hard as he could. He hoped that Allen's wound would keep him from catching up to him.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around and stared at the place where the Fourteenth – no – where Allen was. That was Allen's body back there, one of his best friends. Allen was still alive, somewhere in there, and Johnny was leaving him behind. He was ashamed of himself for being such a coward. He cared about his friends more than anything, especially Allen.

He clenched his fists as he stared at the ground with a quivering chin. Allen had never abandoned him. _Never_. Not even when the Level Four Akuma attacked the Order. Allen was so brave; he fought for his friends to the point where he couldn't even move his limbs on his own. And even after that, he _still_ fought. He did that for his friends, for _him_. And now, even if it meant sacrificing his own life, Johnny knew that he had to go back there. He could _not_ leave him. No… he wouldn't.

Knowing that he wasn't running from anything anymore, he walked slowly back to the small clearing, gathering his courage. When he arrived, he stood firmly, clenching his fists as the Fourteenth looked up at him from his sitting position. If Johnny had kept running, there was no way the fourteenth could have caught up with him, seeing that he was still sitting down.

"Fourteenth?"

He could barely make out white teeth glinting in the faint moonlight in contrast to his gray skin; he was smiling.

"Please, call me Nea, _Johnny_."

Johnny cleared his throat as he tried to still his trembling hands.

"Y-you have no right over that body, uh, Nea. Let Allen go right now. Or else…."

Nea stared at him for a moment with a raised eyebrow before bursting out laughing. "Or else, _what_? You'll shout out for your friend again? You'll _guilt_ me to death?" He suddenly became very interested in his fingernails. He smiled as he said, "Sorry, boy, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm comfortable right where I am, thank you."

Johnny boiled with anger. "You-"

"Come on, enough with that. What's done is done." Nea sighed. "Look, I'm sorry this had to happen to him. Really, I am. He was a good kid, it should've been some selfish brat's body I took over." He shrugged. "But this is just how it played out."

"How can you say that?! How can you brush it off like it's nothing? You might as well have killed him…."

He rolled his eyes and then slowly rose to his feet, grunting as he clutched his stomach. "Well that's what I get for _trying_ to be considerate. Never mind then, I guess I'll just rip your throat out instead."

A blade suddenly appeared in front of Nea's throat. "Not if I get yours first."

"Kanda!" Johnny yelled in relief.

Nea started laughing again. "Oh, but you wouldn't kill Allen Walker, would you?"

"I know the Bean Sprout isn't coming back, you damn Noah, so I don't want anything more than to kill you right now!"

Johnny and Kanda waited a few seconds for a response, but it didn't come.

"Fourt-"

"K-Kanda?" the boy finally responded, "What are you doing?!"

"Tch, stop acting, Fourteenth!"

"I'm not the Fourteenth right now, idiot Kanda! Put the sword down before you slice my throat!" Allen yelled with a panicked tone in his voice.

"If you're not Nea," Johnny said, "then what was the name of my best friend before he died?"

"Tapp," he replied without hesitation.

"That's not enough," Kanda stated, "the Fourteenth could know that if he's in your head." But like an answer to his uncertainty, the grey in Allen's skin began to fade back to its natural color. Johnny and Kanda exchanged glances and Johnny nodded to him. Hesitantly, Kanda put his sword away.

As soon as Allen could relax, his eyes began to glaze over and he swayed where he sat. His friends were instantly at his side and Johnny held him steady.

"I-I can't believe I'm back," Allen gasped, covering his face with his hand. "I was sure that that was it…."

"It's because he let you come back," Kanda said. "He's using you against us as protection. I'm sure he'll reclaim your body any second now. It looks like your soul will always be trapped inside of your body, but the Fourteenth has gotten strong enough to overpower it."

Allen stared at the ground. "Kanda, you have to kill me."

Kanda stayed silent.

"There's no other choice. It doesn't matter that my soul will continue to exist because it'll be as though it doesn't. Please, use this chance to get rid of him! You could end it all before it even starts, just-" He keeled forward midsentence as Nea tried to pull him back in.

"Allen," Johnny pleaded, "stay with me, Allen!"

"You fools!" A gruff voice came from behind them. A large man dressed in black and a long coat draped over his shoulders shoved past Johnny and kneeled next to Allen. The large glasses perched on the bridge of his nose resembled those that Johnny used to wear.

Before he could lay a finger on him, however, Kanda swiftly lifted his sword to the man's neck. Shooting an irritated and murderous glare at Kanda, Apocryphos let out a muffled "tsk." Appearing very composed, he fixed his eyes at the forest beyond.

"Yu Kanda," he began, "an exorcist of the Black Order with promising skill and well known for his strength and strong will. Despite his abilities, however, he has lacked a devotion and commitment to the organization he serves due to a past event with Alma Karma. Yet, having carried out several missions with a select number of comrades, including Lenalee Lee, Lavi Bookman, Jr., and Allen Walker, he continues to do the Order's bidding as a result of the connection he's gained between these exorcists."

"Shut up," Kanda hissed, time pressing down on him as he watched Allen struggle on the ground in apparent pain. "You bastard-"

"Always having a rather explosive relationship with Walker," Apocryphos cut in, ignoring Kanda's interjection, "and once having even feelings of loathing for the cursed boy, you've still somehow managed to develop deep feelings of friendship for this pitiful boy. Even after mortally wounding Walker in a recent battle, you seem to display a new devotion to your comrade. At least, according to your companions at the Black Order."

Fire blazed in Kanda's eyes at the idea of the bastard interrogating the other exorcists and scientists at the Order.

" _Damn you!"_ He swung his sword at the Cardinal's neck, but the blade stopped just before it had reached its destination. The bare blade was held completely still in Apocryphos' grip.

He stared calmly out of the corner of his eyes at Kanda, carrying on as though nothing had happened. "Are you a _fool,_ exorcist? Your actions display simple and petty friendship and, most of all, _guilt._ Everything you do, everything you have done has been solely out of weakness! _"_

" _Enough!_ " Kanda barked, his heart beating wildly.

"If it isn't true, then tell me, exorcist: why are you here? Why are you, someone so vital to the success of the Order's cause, wasting your valuable time shielding a boy whose time has long since run out? Allen Walker has days, hours, possibly moments left until he perishes. His life is already burning out, you cannot stop such a thing."

Apocryphos stood and looked down at Kanda with empty eyes, still grasping onto his sword. "Tell me, are you really doing this because you _care?_ You idiot, _"_ he spat, "you are simply turning this boy into a way for you to atone for your mistakes. Humanity does not care about your guilt, neither does it pity your failure to save someone you loved." Apocryphos turned his chin up at him.

"You've already failed so many, haven't you exorcist?"

Kanda stood beneath the tall figure, entirely caught off guard and struggling under self-doubt.

Lightly pressing his glasses in place, he said, "You do not understand how to help or to heal anyone. You truly were only made as a tool for destruction against the Akuma." He let go of the sword and turned his back to Kanda, kneeling down to his original position next to Allen.

"Do not stand in my way again, Second Exorcist; you've already done enough damage."

Falling to his knees, Kanda stared at the ground. He was right. He was right about all of it. All he was was the Order's test subject, then their tool. All the things he did for himself, all the things he tried to do for the ones he cared about, they always seemed to falter. It seemed he only knew how to hurt others…. Part of why Allen was suffering was because of _him_. _He_ was the one who stabbed Allen when he was only trying to help Kanda.

He wondered how he ever thought that he could help Allen. He would have been better off without him at all….

"Kanda!" Johnny shook his shoulders. "Snap out of it, it's not true! You know it's not!"

"Stop it, Johnny…. We can't help him."

"Yes we can, you _know_ we can! Don't give in at a time like this, please!"

Kanda wouldn't respond.

"I…" Johnny began, "I know how you feel. Well, at least some of it. I've always felt useless, like the kind of person who can only make things worse for everyone else. But you know what, Kanda? I was that person, only because I gave into it. You, me, we're all worth something and we're helpful just because we're _here_! I don't care if he thinks you're weak because you _care_ about someone, and it doesn't matter how much damage you think you caused in the past. Because our friend is in danger, _right now_ , and we need to fight for him! Even if there's some remote chance of making something worse, Allen needs _us!_ He needs _you!_ No one else, Kanda!

Kanda turned his eyes away from him. He couldn't hide the guilt written on his face.

"It's okay. I know I can't say anything to change how you feel or to change what happened to you." Standing up, Johnny picked up the sword lying at Kanda's feet. Then he turned towards Apocryphos and Allen. "But I have to doing my best for both of you.

Kanda looked up just in time to see Johnny raise the sword above his small body. He was going to try attacking the Cardinal on his own.

"No!" Adrenaline flooded through Kanda's body and he launched himself towards the scientist. He knew someone like Johnny would be treated like a gnat to Apocryphos. But before he could stop Johnny from attacking, the Cardinal quickly swung his arm back and his hand skillfully collided with the side of the blade, sending the sword flying at least twenty feet into the darkness of the forest. Both Johnny and Kanda froze in shock. He hadn't even seen the sword above him, yet he had known exactly where it was and deflected it. Kanda was mostly amazed that the monster had chosen to simply attack the weapon, when he normally would have just killed Johnny.

"I would have thought that a scientist of the Order could think more rationally." He slightly turned his head enough for the moon reflecting off his glasses to become visible. "Someone as weak as you doesn't belong on the field. Return to where you're useful."

To both of their surprise, the man stood up with Allen in his arms, and simply said, "I'll be leaving now, if that is all."

After a moment of silence, he turned and began to return to the trees.

"Why…."

Apocryphos stopped in his tracks. "Pardon?"

Kanda looked up and slowly rose to his feet. "Why didn't you attack either of us, you bastard?"

A little stunned by the question, he responded, "I don't see why that is of any concern-"

"Your tactics are pretty weak, Cardinal." Without so much as a weapon, he began walking towards the monster. "Do you think I'm stupid, you idiot?"

Apocryphos laughed in response. "So you've decided to continue in your arrogance, have you? I thought you'd learned-"

"Enough with the games!" Kanda cut in, continuing towards the man. "You've had to sustain your life over thousands of years. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you have to recharge once you've used your strength in a fight. So you thought it would work to attack my mind instead of my body, so you could walk away just like that? I didn't realize you were so stupid," he laughed.

The Cardinal's face twitched in irritation. "Is that what boosted your spirits, little Exorcist? Finding a little advantage in a still very one-sided battle?" He grinned. "You really are worthless, letting your friends suffer until you find gap to win."

"Shut up, four-eyes. Don't give the credit to the transparency of your stupid façade when the science kid over there deserves it." Out of nowhere he rushed towards Apocryphos, pulling out a small blade hidden in his coat up to a lens of the man's glasses. They both stood there perfectly still, neither one flinching at the other.

"Johnny's not weak, and he is _exactly_ where he belongs," Kanda put pressure on the Cardinal's glasses until the glass on one side broke. "Because Allen needs him!"

Allen stirred uncomfortably in the man's grip, seeming to be regaining consciousness. He must have passed out earlier. "What…?"

Kanda tore his eyes from Allen and returned his focus to the man before him. Apocryphos was just staring at him with eyes glazed over with irritation and anger. The air surrounding their figures was tense.

After no response but intense glaring from the man, Kanda said, "I'll let you choose, 'Cardinal': either you willingly return that Bean Sprout to us and you live to fight another day, or we take him by force and send you to Hell."

"I may be momentarily weakened, but what makes you think you can kill me, boy?" His eyes flashed. "Just like that yellow Golem, I won't be so easy to put down with such a trivial weapon."

Anger raged through Kanda's veins. He watched Allen's half-conscious form worriedly for his response, but it was difficult to tell if his face was contorting to the information or to the physical pain.

"Even if I can't kill you with this, I promise I can make you wish you could die."

The man silently stood for a moment, considering his options. The morning sun was just beginning to barely wash their faces, but the air still felt heavy. After what felt like minutes, he moved his face away from Kanda's knife and crouched above the forest floor, sliding his arms out from beneath Allen and resting him onto the leaves covering the ground.

"I will admit, I did not expect such a performance, Second Exorcist." He lifted the corners of his mouth once again into a grin, but it only radiated more hostility. "I'm no fool, so you and your _friends_ enjoy your peace now." He began backing away from Kanda and his knife. "But beware of the repercussions of your actions here. You may feel you have triumphed over something evil, but the true evil lies in Allen's mind. If you let him be for too long, you will have to kill him yourself. You will soon wish you had listened to me."

"Yeah, yeah, get the hell out of here!" Kanda shouted impatiently. Apocryphos pressed against the bridge of his glasses, muttered something, and turned on his heel towards the trees, soon disappearing into the shadows.


End file.
